Feeling Better Sucks?

People often come to therapy expecting to feel better quickly, and sometimes that happens. Most of the time, however, it does not happen so quickly. In fact, things often get worse before they get better.

Let's talk about some of the reasons why...

Talking about Hard Things Sucks

This is probably obvious. Sometimes talking about hurtful things is hurtful. Talking about scary things can feel scary. Talking about sad things is sad. Sometimes, talking about dark times can feel like reliving them. And so on and so on.

That said, talking about these things can also:

• Give you a new perspective

• Desensitize you to them

• Validate you

• Help you feel less alone

This can happen right away, or with some time!

Disconnecting from Emotions, Then Suddenly Feeling Them.

For various reasons, we can often disconnect from emotions. One of my specialties is anxiety, and I often encounter people who don't recognize just how anxious they are because anxiety has become their baseline. That is, they almost always feel a moderate level of anxiety, and they become accustomed to it. They now only recognize their anxiety when it reaches such a high level that it feels different from their normal anxiety.

There are also people, usually those who have experienced traumas, who disconnect from their bodies almost completely. They feel numb or like they are outside their bodies. They often describe feeling nothing or feeling in a bubble or pool inside their bodies.

One thing therapy can do is help get you more connected with your body, which can help you process and heal. It also sucks if you're not used to feeling "negative" emotions.

Built Up Exhaustion

Similarly, I have often found that when clients have learned ways to calm their bodies, they are left with some aftermath of prolonged stress. Many of my clients report feeling more tired after practicing their relaxation skills, for example. I tell them, " Of course. Listen, anxiety is an energizing emotion. Your energy was largely coming from things like adrenaline, not true, genuine rest. It's like finally stopping after running a marathon. Your body is exhausted." The good thing is, after helping your body rest, you can start to truly recover and not rely on things like anxiety for energy.

Noticing Small Changes, Because You're Overall More Regulated

It's not so easy to notice a car going from 60 mph to 70 mph. It's much easier to notice when a car starts going from 0 mph to 10 mph. I mean, c'mon, it wasn't moving, and now it is.

Ignorance is Bliss

Often times, when seeking new perspectives, we get perspectives that make us uncomfortable. For example, you could also find yourself ignorant to toxic patterns. Perhaps you come to realize your family is not just close, but a little overbearing. This allows you to set healthy boundaries, but may cause some friction in the family.

The Devil You Don't Know

As the saying goes, dealing with the devil you know can be easier to deal with than the devil you don't know. We often take this perspective, even when the devil we don't know is the idea of truly feeling better. Questions can come up like "What will I do if I get better and then lose it all again?"

While I can validate these fears, I would also argue that the devil you know will often always be there. It could be a toxic family or unhealthy coping skills, etc. If what was going on truly worked for you, you likely wouldn't be asking for help.

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This is not an extensive list, and it is not meant to scare you.* My hope is that this list gives you some perspective if you are in the throws of therapy or are considering starting therapy. The journey can be hard, but oftentimes so worth it.

*The information is this post is for educational purposes only.